All I want is one day of normality. Is that too much to ask? I'm tired of my life. Somebody actually told me I have it easy today. I wish they could trade places with me for one day...they'd either cry or kill themselves after the first 3 hours. My life is fucking draining.
I have a husband who I have an insatiable appetite for, yet can barely be in the same room with because my ob-gyn has banned all sexual activity. The farthest I can walk is to my bathroom and back, other than that I'm stuck in my bed all day every day from now until some time in April. I don't care how many new DVD's I get, nothing makes this shit any less boring.
On top of all that I have an ex-husband who still manages to fuck me over on a regular basis. Oh, and lets not forget the guilt and feeling like a fucking failure 24/7. Carrying a child and giving birth isn't a difficult thing for most people, considering modern medical technology and all. But me? I can't even do that right. I deserve the mother of the year award. I let them down before they're even born.
All I want is one day. One day to just be like a normal person...no fucked up former in-laws, no bedrest, no screwy immune system. One day to just go to my ob-gyn appointment and hear "hey, everything is great", not know what the hell plasmapheresis is, shop for baby furniture, and come home and let my husband bang me silly.
All I want is everything I can't have....but such is my life.
12:19 a.m. - 2005-01-23
Recent entries:
Goodbye Diaryland. - 2005-03-24
Happy Birthday Asha! - 2005-03-21
Six Fucking Hours! - 2005-03-13
My Baby Shower: Chock Full O' Debauchery - 2005-03-06
Peanut Butter Saves Lives! - 2005-03-02
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